CHANGE
Change is challenging and inevitable. Some changes are welcomed, others are not. Helping your children deal with and manage change effectively requires good modeling and a lot of input. Positive change can help us move on as we explore new things. Difficult change can mean giving up something we know and love, risking failure and disappointment. Encountering certain change for the first time can be very daunting and downright scary. How we cope with and manage change will depend a lot on the foundations laid when you were young. These tips can help you lay solid foundations for your children. It's important to cultivate confidence and a willingness to try new things early on with your kids.
As we gather experiences so too do we gather skills and knowledge that can equip us when we need it. Some change is predictable:
As we gather experiences so too do we gather skills and knowledge that can equip us when we need it. Some change is predictable:
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Other change is less predictable:
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Coping with change
There are three key areas and qualities that will help your children cope with change. They include cultivating and supporting:
- Self-esteem and confidence
- Problem solving skills
- Optimism
Self-esteem
Self-esteem will influence your child's willingness to have a go. Young people will try new things and cope better if they are confident. Confidence and self-esteem are cultivated when people feel valued and their needs are being met. At all ages children feel most secure when they are validated by being acknowledged and listened to. From a very young age, how you respond to crying and other signals shapes how children learn.
To cultivate trust and confidence it's important to teach your children that their needs will be met and that they will be OK. This does not mean responding to every tear or appeal for help as a 'helicopter parent.' There will be many missteps, injuries and mistakes as your child grows. Use a tone of voice and manner that says, "I know you are angry/frightened/hurt/embarrassed and I am here to guide/help you but I am not worried; I know you will be OK." Model clear communication that shows you understand, you're here to help but they will be ok.
Self-esteem is also fostered when we know we belong - to family, friendship, school, community, cultural and sporting groups. Introducing and involving your children in activities and experiences where they can learn to build trust and confidence in others is important. This becomes the modern day village that helps to raise your child. Be active and involve your child/ren wherever you can. Model engagement and participation whenever and wherever you can.
To cultivate trust and confidence it's important to teach your children that their needs will be met and that they will be OK. This does not mean responding to every tear or appeal for help as a 'helicopter parent.' There will be many missteps, injuries and mistakes as your child grows. Use a tone of voice and manner that says, "I know you are angry/frightened/hurt/embarrassed and I am here to guide/help you but I am not worried; I know you will be OK." Model clear communication that shows you understand, you're here to help but they will be ok.
Self-esteem is also fostered when we know we belong - to family, friendship, school, community, cultural and sporting groups. Introducing and involving your children in activities and experiences where they can learn to build trust and confidence in others is important. This becomes the modern day village that helps to raise your child. Be active and involve your child/ren wherever you can. Model engagement and participation whenever and wherever you can.
Problem Solving
Life requires us to solve problems. If you are good at it, you are rewarded. The ability of your child to find numerous options to solving a problem is a key indicator for lifetime resilience and success. Your role as a father is to facilitate a ‘helping conversation’ where you are modelling and guiding an approach to solving problems effectively. If we assume responsibility for the problems of others we may contribute to the development of their learned helplessness.
There are many models for approaching problem solving, a useful one developed by John Bransford and Barry Stein uses the acronym IDEAL to identify the key steps to solving a problem. It is easy to remember and generally applicable:
I Identify problems and opportunities
D Define goals and represent the problem
E Explore possible strategies
A Anticipate outcomes and Act
L Look back and Learn
Click here for a more in depth summary of effective problem solving strategies.
There are many models for approaching problem solving, a useful one developed by John Bransford and Barry Stein uses the acronym IDEAL to identify the key steps to solving a problem. It is easy to remember and generally applicable:
I Identify problems and opportunities
D Define goals and represent the problem
E Explore possible strategies
A Anticipate outcomes and Act
L Look back and Learn
Click here for a more in depth summary of effective problem solving strategies.
Optimism
Optimism enables one to believe that things will work out, providing hope and a prevailing view that everything will be ok. Optimism can be cultivated at any age but it takes effort. Helping your children develop optimism will help them become resilient and cope with change and challenge. It also provides them with a view of the world that is positive and to be explored, rather than something to fear. For children to develop optimism it's important that they;
- have time to persevere and struggle - often we are to quick to jump in and solve a problem for them. Guide don't solve.
- have opportunities to 'have a go' and develop self-esteem - expose them to different challenges, experiences and activities.
- have an optimistic environment - use primers and gratitude to create an optimistic environment that is thankful.
REFERENCES
 
Werner, E & Smith, R (1992)
Overcoming the odds: High risk children from birth to adulthood, Ithaca & London: Cornell UniPress |
 
Penn, A (1993)
The Kissing Hand, Washington DC: Child & Family Press |
 
Seligman, M & Reivich, K & Jaycox, L & Gillham, J (1995)
The Optimistic Child, New York: Houghton Mifflin |
Useful links |