ENGAGING COOPERATION
Engaging cooperation can sometimes be challenging. There can many reasons why your child might be less than cooperative. There is always a direct connection between behavior and feelings so it helps to uncover the feelings behind the behavior.
Therefore you need to engage and unthe keyAt often be fraught with frustration. You think you’re being clear, you think the opportunity or problem is obvious, why don’t they understand. Step back for a second, take a deep breath and spend your energy on being explicit, with words, about what is going on. Use language to involve them and make it fun where possible. Learning should be enjoyable. No amount of silent exasperation is going to resolve anything. Take your time and follow these steps;
Therefore you need to engage and unthe keyAt often be fraught with frustration. You think you’re being clear, you think the opportunity or problem is obvious, why don’t they understand. Step back for a second, take a deep breath and spend your energy on being explicit, with words, about what is going on. Use language to involve them and make it fun where possible. Learning should be enjoyable. No amount of silent exasperation is going to resolve anything. Take your time and follow these steps;
Strategic Steps
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1. Describe. Describe what you see (opportunity or problem).
“The dirty dishes have been left out.” “What beautiful weather for working in the garden.” “It is not respectful to speak when others are speaking.” 2. Give information “The dirty dishes are meant to be in the dishwasher.” “It's important that we tend to the vegetables before winter.” “It's respectful to wait until someone has finished before speaking.” 3. Say it with brevity “The dishes.” “Our home grown vegetables.” “Wait respectfully.” |
4. Talk about your feelings
“I feel unable to relax when we have a dirty kitchen.” "I feel happy and healthy when eating vegetables grown in our garden.” “It upsets me when when people are disrespectful.” 5. Write a note / Make a sign / Make a Hand Signal Use different forms of communication, using humor and creativity, to reinforce and remind. Note example I am embarrassed and lonely when I am dirty and not in the dishwasher. The Dishes Sign example Grow a Veggie or get a wedgie! Hand Signal example A respect signal/code might be touching your fist on your heart |
Tips
It’s important to be authentic. You don’t need to sugar coat every statement to make it sound like it is an enjoyable process. On the flip side most issues are not ‘life or death’ so keep it real. Use different forms of communication, using humor and creativity, to reinforce and remind.
Just because you don’t “get through” the first time, doesn’t mean you should revert to the old ways. If it’s not working for you, take a breath and go again. The pay off will come.
Just because you don’t “get through” the first time, doesn’t mean you should revert to the old ways. If it’s not working for you, take a breath and go again. The pay off will come.
References
 
Faber, A. & Mazlish, E. (2001)
"How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk", London: Piccadilly Press |
 
Gerard Egan (2009)
The Skilled Helper: 9th Edition Belmont: Thomson Higher Education |