EMPATHIC RESPONDING
Empathic responding is a vital skill that goes hand in glove with active listening. There is a great sense of validation and value that is reinforced for your child when they feel their voice is being heard. Empathic responding does not require agreement, more importantly it requires involvement by acknowledging you hear what is being said.
Steps for empathic responding1. Actively listen with full attention
Still your mind - stop thinking about work, watching TV, looking around. Make eye contact, facing toward them, nothing in your hands) 2. Acknowledge their feelings in a word/s (eg. “Ok”, “Mmm”, “I see”) 3. Acknowledge their feelings with empathic body language (eg. nod your head, be at eye level) 4. Give their feelings a name by describing what he/she is sharing “I can see that you are…satisfied/frustrated/excited/hurt.” “Sounds as if that was…upsetting/wonderful/disappointing/surprising.” “That must have been…interesting/discouraging/comforting/inspiring.” 5. Give them their wishes in fantasy “I wish you were able to stay up late.” “I wish that there wasn’t dog poo on your shoe.” “I wish I could have been there to share in your success.” 6. Reflect, not judge, what they are telling you to demonstrate you are listening “Let me check, you are frustrated because you were overlooked for the part.” “So you were surprised that the test had parts you hadn’t studied?” “Am I right in thinking, you were excited because it was unexpected?” |
Communication Blockers
Empathic responding will nourish conversation and sharing. Conversely communication blockers will shut that down. There are a range of possible responses you can have when your child is sharing their feelings with you. Remember that your role is not to have the answer but to help them deal with their feelings. Acknowledging their feelings is the first step. Always avoid Communication Blockers.
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Tips
Listen for feeling and respond proportionally verbally and non-verbally. Don’t minimize or magnify the situation but meet the excitement, solemnity or distress that is being displayed. To be a better dad you have to allow for feelings to be expressed and respected by being present through ACTIVE LISTENING. Resist the temptation to DENY or SOLVE the problem. The struggle is important for growth.
References
Robert Martin (1983)
A Skills and Strategies Handbook for Working With People, Engelwood Cliffs: Prentice-Hall |
 
Alfie Kohn (1990)
The Brighter Side of Human Nature New York: Basic Books |
 
Gerard Egan (2009)
The Skilled Helper: 9th Edition Belmont: Brooks Cole |