PUNISHMENT ALTERNATIVES
Punishment is not always everyone’s cup of Mr. T and there are alternatives. All children need to experience consequences for misbehavior. This is not the same as punishment. Punishment can easily create adversarial positioning and give rise to feelings such as hatred, revenge, defiance, guilt, unworthiness and self-pity.
Punishment normally presents itself as an option when a lesson has not been learned and needs to be or you want to make a point. It often occurs when you are at the end of your tether. The reality is that often the punishment becomes a distraction and instead of learning, your child becomes preoccupied with revenge fantasies.
Keep focused on what the aim is, learning acceptable behavior. Often the unintended consequence of punishment is the opposite.
Punishment normally presents itself as an option when a lesson has not been learned and needs to be or you want to make a point. It often occurs when you are at the end of your tether. The reality is that often the punishment becomes a distraction and instead of learning, your child becomes preoccupied with revenge fantasies.
Keep focused on what the aim is, learning acceptable behavior. Often the unintended consequence of punishment is the opposite.
STRATEGIC STEPS1. Be explicit - Identify the behavior
2. Provide them with a choice 3. Take action based on their choice 4. Let them experience the consequence of their choice |
Step 1 - be explicitPoint out ways to be helpful
“It would be helpful if…” “It would be helpful if you did not swear.” Express strong disapproval (without attacking character) “I don’t like what’s going on…It’s disrespectful when people…” “I feel really uncomfortable when I hear language like that." State your expectations “I expect when…” “I expect when you need to express yourself you can do so without swearing.” Show the child how to make amends “What is now needed is…” “What we now need is a list of some good alternative words.” |
Step 2 - Provide a choiceProvide a choice
“You can…or you can…You decide” “You can either use more suitable words or you can choose to spend time in your room. You decide.” |
Step 3 - Taking ActionTake action based on their choice
“Your decision is clear.” “I see you’ve decided to spend time in your room.” |
Step 4 - Consequences
Let them experience the consequences of misbehavior
Leave them in their room
Leave them in their room
Tip
You may need to repeat steps but remain calm, highlight their choice and have faith that behavioral transformation will take place. Have faith in the process. Calm consistency will affect change.
References
 
Faber, A. & Mazlish, E. (2001)
"How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk", London: Piccadilly Press |
 
Woolfolk, A. & Margetts, K. (2007)
Educational Psychology Frenchs Forest: Pearson |
 
Alfie Kohn (1993)
Punished by Rewards, New York: Houghton Mifflin Company |
Useful links |