RESILIENCE & COPING
Your child/ren can be helped to better deal with the invariable challenges of life by building up resilience and being optimistic. Resilience has been described as the ability to bounce back and move on when faced with difficult, challenging or devastating circumstances. The resilient person has the capacity to recover from stresses and avoid self-destruction, ill health and the development of negative symptoms.
Coping refers to thoughts, feelings and actions which characterize the response of an individual. Coping strategies refer to the cognitive or behavioral actions taken in the course of a particular stressful situation. Modeling and teaching good coping strategies is of great value to your child/ren. It all starts with knowing what good strategies look like.
While there are numerous coping strategies that can be used, some of the most commonly reported techniques represent three coping styles;
Coping refers to thoughts, feelings and actions which characterize the response of an individual. Coping strategies refer to the cognitive or behavioral actions taken in the course of a particular stressful situation. Modeling and teaching good coping strategies is of great value to your child/ren. It all starts with knowing what good strategies look like.
While there are numerous coping strategies that can be used, some of the most commonly reported techniques represent three coping styles;
Three Coping Styles
PRODUCTIVE COPING
Refers to focusing on solving the problem, physical recreation, seeking relaxing diversion, working hard and focusing on the positive
REFERENCE TO OTHERS
Characterized by the six strategies of seeking social support, social action, spiritual support, seeking professional help, investing in close friends and belonging.
NON-PRODUCTIVE COPING
Comprises the strategies of worry, wishful thinking, not coping, ignoring the problem, tension reduction, keeping to oneself and self-blame.
Refers to focusing on solving the problem, physical recreation, seeking relaxing diversion, working hard and focusing on the positive
REFERENCE TO OTHERS
Characterized by the six strategies of seeking social support, social action, spiritual support, seeking professional help, investing in close friends and belonging.
NON-PRODUCTIVE COPING
Comprises the strategies of worry, wishful thinking, not coping, ignoring the problem, tension reduction, keeping to oneself and self-blame.
Productive Coping Strategies
1) Problem Solving - The ability of your child to find numerous options to solving a problem is a key indicator for lifetime resilience and success. To flourish you need to be able to solve problems.
2) Physical Recreation - The benefits of physical recreation are well publicized and contribute greatly to your child’s wellbeing, including building resilience and assisting with their coping. Physical recreation helps them live longer, relieves symptoms of depression and anxiety and helps them sleep amongst many other things. If your child is having challenges that seem overwhelming, take them out to get some exercise, enjoy some different scenery and lift their spirits. Refer to our activity guide for ideas.
3) Seeking relaxing diversion - Often a relaxing diversion can really help your child. It can assist them in relieving pressures they may be feeling and is a good way to guide them in maintaining perspective. It can also provide them with an experience where a momentary diversion can help inform and invigorate new and helpful perspectives for the problem they may be facing.
4) Working hard - It’s one thing to work hard, it’s another to work hard with purpose. It’s important that you help your child see the value and joy that comes with hard work. Help them learn to focus clearly and work diligently on the tasks that will solve their problems or feed their curiosity and growth. Modeling persistence and working with intended goals will help them greatly.
5) Focusing on the positive - Showing gratitude and focusing on the positive has been shown to build resilience and assist coping. Research supports that humans instinctively display a negativity bias, which is a psychological phenomenon where greater weight is given to negative rather than positive experiences. There are many ways of formally implementing positive approaches by using REBT, Gratitude rituals, strength based approaches and promoting optimism.
2) Physical Recreation - The benefits of physical recreation are well publicized and contribute greatly to your child’s wellbeing, including building resilience and assisting with their coping. Physical recreation helps them live longer, relieves symptoms of depression and anxiety and helps them sleep amongst many other things. If your child is having challenges that seem overwhelming, take them out to get some exercise, enjoy some different scenery and lift their spirits. Refer to our activity guide for ideas.
3) Seeking relaxing diversion - Often a relaxing diversion can really help your child. It can assist them in relieving pressures they may be feeling and is a good way to guide them in maintaining perspective. It can also provide them with an experience where a momentary diversion can help inform and invigorate new and helpful perspectives for the problem they may be facing.
4) Working hard - It’s one thing to work hard, it’s another to work hard with purpose. It’s important that you help your child see the value and joy that comes with hard work. Help them learn to focus clearly and work diligently on the tasks that will solve their problems or feed their curiosity and growth. Modeling persistence and working with intended goals will help them greatly.
5) Focusing on the positive - Showing gratitude and focusing on the positive has been shown to build resilience and assist coping. Research supports that humans instinctively display a negativity bias, which is a psychological phenomenon where greater weight is given to negative rather than positive experiences. There are many ways of formally implementing positive approaches by using REBT, Gratitude rituals, strength based approaches and promoting optimism.
References to Others
These are coping strategies your child/ren use when they look for support from others, such as peers and professionals. Knowing how and when to get help from others and how to get along with others are skills that contribute to success in life. They include the following:
· seek social support - share problems, talk to others
· invest in friendship - spend quality time with close companions
· seek to belong - improve relationships by caring about and showing concern for others
· seek spiritual support - pray for help, look for guidance from a spiritual leader
· seek professional help - discuss concerns with a qualified individual, such as a teacher or a counselor
· engage in social action - join and advocate with others who have similar concerns
Some young people are gifted in certain areas but don’t have good coping skills. This sometimes makes it hard for them (and you) to recognize that they need help with specific ways of coping. We are less inclined to turn to others or to seek professional help, so those strategies need to be developed.
Research shows that those who have a positive sense of well-being do not indulge in self-blaming. Therefore highlight to your child that self-blame is not productive. Young people who seek social support (in particular boys, who are less inclined than girls to turn to others) achieve better than they would by relying solely on their own abilities. Encourage them to seek out other perspectives and advice.
· seek social support - share problems, talk to others
· invest in friendship - spend quality time with close companions
· seek to belong - improve relationships by caring about and showing concern for others
· seek spiritual support - pray for help, look for guidance from a spiritual leader
· seek professional help - discuss concerns with a qualified individual, such as a teacher or a counselor
· engage in social action - join and advocate with others who have similar concerns
Some young people are gifted in certain areas but don’t have good coping skills. This sometimes makes it hard for them (and you) to recognize that they need help with specific ways of coping. We are less inclined to turn to others or to seek professional help, so those strategies need to be developed.
Research shows that those who have a positive sense of well-being do not indulge in self-blaming. Therefore highlight to your child that self-blame is not productive. Young people who seek social support (in particular boys, who are less inclined than girls to turn to others) achieve better than they would by relying solely on their own abilities. Encourage them to seek out other perspectives and advice.
It’s possible for everyone to learn to cope better. Follow these steps;
· Use the language of coping and the strategies listed in the above categories.
· Be aware of the coping strategies you (and your children) use, and evaluate them honestly. Are they productive or
nonproductive? How do they effect outcomes?
· Decide what sort of social role model you are. Parents, who are the most significant role models for young people, set
examples for them to follow and to learn from, both consciously and unconsciously.
· Expand your coping skills. Theoretically, a limitless range of coping strategies is available to us. Extending the ways we cope
and being aware of their outcomes will help us curtail some of our negative coping habits.
As a Dad you can help your child/ren judge themselves and others less harshly. Focus on and revel in the small steps they make. Teach them not to compare themselves to others and not to regard every activity as a competition. Celebrating each person’s unique abilities will help children develop joyful self-acceptance.
· Use the language of coping and the strategies listed in the above categories.
· Be aware of the coping strategies you (and your children) use, and evaluate them honestly. Are they productive or
nonproductive? How do they effect outcomes?
· Decide what sort of social role model you are. Parents, who are the most significant role models for young people, set
examples for them to follow and to learn from, both consciously and unconsciously.
· Expand your coping skills. Theoretically, a limitless range of coping strategies is available to us. Extending the ways we cope
and being aware of their outcomes will help us curtail some of our negative coping habits.
As a Dad you can help your child/ren judge themselves and others less harshly. Focus on and revel in the small steps they make. Teach them not to compare themselves to others and not to regard every activity as a competition. Celebrating each person’s unique abilities will help children develop joyful self-acceptance.
Non-Productive Coping Strategies
If you notice any of the following in yourself as a father or in your children, then refer to the Productive coping strategies above;
|
· Worry
· Wishful thinking |
· Not coping
· Ignoring the problem |
· Tension reduction
· Keeping to oneself · Self-blame |
References
 
Erica Frydenberg, PhD (1997)
Adolescent Coping: Theoretical and Research Perspectives, London: Routledge |
 
Frydenberg, E & Cohen, L (1996)
Coping for Capable Kids, Melbourne: Prufrock |
 
Reivich, K & Shatte, A (2003)
The Resilience Factor: 7 Keys to Finding your Inner Strength and Overcoming Life's Hurdles, New York: Broadway Books |
 
Daniel Goleman (2011)
The Brain and Emotional Intelligence: New Insights, Northampton: More Than Sound |
Useful Links |