VALUING
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1. Be a good role model
You have to model what you seek in your children. Children have a very acute sense of ‘fairness.’ If you have different expectations for them than you do for yourself, they will notice these double standards. Be consistent and be honest with yourself and with them.
2. Take their ideas seriously
Everyone appreciates being taken seriously, no different with your child. Display the behaviors that indicate you value what their views are – listen, pause, acknowledge and show interest.
3. Have clear boundaries
We all benefit from clear and explicit boundaries. Boundaries allow your child/ren to move and act with confidence and purpose in a framework that is clear. Having to specify boundaries also ensures you are consistent as well.
4. Establish reasonable expectations
Give children reachable goals so they can see, touch and feel success. Expectations are important but they need to be attainable with effort. Your child/ren want to meet your expectations, give them a chance.
5. Give them responsibilities
People feel valued and valuable when they have responsibilities. It’s a powerful lesson for your child/ren to know that others are relying on their responsible behavior. Provide them with opportunities to grow through managing age appropriate responsibilities.
6. Be available
Your child/ren want to engage with you as thoughts, emotions and questions arise. This will not be on a timetable that will always suit you. Find ways to stay connected, foster growth and be available for what they need, when they need it.
7. Show them what they do is important to you
As a father your child/ren will constantly be seeking your approval and attention. Demonstrate to them consistently that what they do has great value to you. Remind them that their life and actions have great meaning to you.
8. Express your values
Your child/ren need to understand not just what your values are but also why they are. Take the time to express and explain your values. Help them understand how the history of your family or the experiences in your life have shaped what you value.
9. Spend time together
This sounds simple and it is. It’s not about quality time, it’s quantity that matters. The majority of life is spent in the big middle band of normal everyday time. Spend as much of that time with your child/ren as you can.
10. Ask them lots of questions
Ask lots of good questions. Learn how to ask open ended questions that prompt thinking and explore opinions and feelings. Questions that start with what, why, how, describe are a good start.
You have to model what you seek in your children. Children have a very acute sense of ‘fairness.’ If you have different expectations for them than you do for yourself, they will notice these double standards. Be consistent and be honest with yourself and with them.
2. Take their ideas seriously
Everyone appreciates being taken seriously, no different with your child. Display the behaviors that indicate you value what their views are – listen, pause, acknowledge and show interest.
3. Have clear boundaries
We all benefit from clear and explicit boundaries. Boundaries allow your child/ren to move and act with confidence and purpose in a framework that is clear. Having to specify boundaries also ensures you are consistent as well.
4. Establish reasonable expectations
Give children reachable goals so they can see, touch and feel success. Expectations are important but they need to be attainable with effort. Your child/ren want to meet your expectations, give them a chance.
5. Give them responsibilities
People feel valued and valuable when they have responsibilities. It’s a powerful lesson for your child/ren to know that others are relying on their responsible behavior. Provide them with opportunities to grow through managing age appropriate responsibilities.
6. Be available
Your child/ren want to engage with you as thoughts, emotions and questions arise. This will not be on a timetable that will always suit you. Find ways to stay connected, foster growth and be available for what they need, when they need it.
7. Show them what they do is important to you
As a father your child/ren will constantly be seeking your approval and attention. Demonstrate to them consistently that what they do has great value to you. Remind them that their life and actions have great meaning to you.
8. Express your values
Your child/ren need to understand not just what your values are but also why they are. Take the time to express and explain your values. Help them understand how the history of your family or the experiences in your life have shaped what you value.
9. Spend time together
This sounds simple and it is. It’s not about quality time, it’s quantity that matters. The majority of life is spent in the big middle band of normal everyday time. Spend as much of that time with your child/ren as you can.
10. Ask them lots of questions
Ask lots of good questions. Learn how to ask open ended questions that prompt thinking and explore opinions and feelings. Questions that start with what, why, how, describe are a good start.